Simon Sinek on How to Establish Trust When Building Relationships

In Chapter 4 of 23 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and public speaker Simon Sinek answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" To Sinek, trust is a result of something and cannot be given nor formed overnight. He notes the difference between lust and love and why the vulnerability associated with falling with love is synonymous with the vulnerability that comes with the emergence of relationship trust. Simon Sinek teaches leaders and organizations how to inspire people. Sinek is the author of two books, "Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Come Together and Others Don't" and "Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". He is a public speaker, an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a Brandeis University graduate.

Transcript

Erik Michielsen: How do you establish trust when building relationships?

Simon Sinek: Trust is the result of something. You can’t tell people “trust me”. Trust cannot be formed overnight, just as you can’t go to one date and decide if you wanna marry someone. You might have lust, but there’s no real trust. The best definition of love I ever heard is that you can give someone the power to destroy you and trust that they won’t use it, and that’s kind of what trust is, is this deep love.

And it comes over time, and it comes from taking lots of little risks, exposing yourself to more danger, making yourself feel more vulnerable, sharing something personal, putting yourself in a position where you have to turn your back and hope somebody won’t stab you or steal your stuff. I mean this is what trust is. It is the result of you making someone feel safe and then making you feel safe, and it’s that dance, and that’s what it is. It can’t be one-sided.

And, again, it’s like dating. It’s like getting to know someone. It’s like making friends that does not happen overnight. And it’s a dance of give and take, give and take, give and take, give and take, and when you feel that that person will make you feel safe, trust will emerge. It’s not an app. It’s not a switch. It’s not something you turn on. It’s something that evolves. You start to feel it, and then, one morning, you wake up, you’re like, “Oh my god, I totally trust that person.” You’re not sure exactly what happened to get you there, but you found yourself there.

Simon Sinek on Why Organizations Need a Circle of Safety

In Chapter 6 of 23 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and public speaker Simon Sinek answers "What is a Circle of Safety and Why Should Organizations Consider Building One?" Acknowledging constant dangers and threats outside an organization, Sinek looks inside an organization to what leaders can provide employees to make the business better. He finds creating a circle of safety helps leaders foster secure environments that promote trust and through it, collaboration, innovation and productivity. Simon Sinek teaches leaders and organizations how to inspire people. Sinek is the author of two books, "Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Come Together and Others Don't" and "Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". He is a public speaker, an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a Brandeis University graduate.

Simon Sinek on Building Trusting Teams in the US Marine Corps

In Chapter 7 of 23 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and public speaker Simon Sinek answers "What Has the United States Marine Corps Taught You About How a Circle of Safety Motivates Staff?" Sinek shares what Marine Corps basic training has taught him about leading teams more effectively. The United States Marine Corps breaks down the individual and trains them to be interdependent on their fellow Marines. This creates a circle of safety bond of trust that allows Marines to increase team performance in the most difficult situations. Simon Sinek teaches leaders and organizations how to inspire people. Sinek is the author of two books, "Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Come Together and Others Don't" and "Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". He is a public speaker, an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a Brandeis University graduate.

Simon Sinek on Building Trust Through Committed Leadership

In Chapter 8 of 23 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and public speaker Simon Sinek answers "Why is Trust a Leadership Skill That Should Be Taught?" Sinek shares that because trust is a feeling like loyalty, it is difficult to teach. Over time, however, by creating a circle of safety, Sinek shares ways committed leaders can create inclusive cultures at work that prioritize inclusion, openness, and safety. He shares an example of Goldman Sachs and how over 30 years its culture has shifted from the "Boy Scouts of Wall Street" and collaborative to something more individualist and self-centered. Simon Sinek teaches leaders and organizations how to inspire people. Sinek is the author of two books, "Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Come Together and Others Don't" and "Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". He is a public speaker, an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a Brandeis University graduate.

Simon Sinek on Working With a Book Editor to Refine Your Writing

In Chapter 20 of 23 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and public speaker Simon Sinek answers "How are You Learning to Work More Closely With Editors to Refine Your Writing?" Sinek shares how he and his editor built a productive and trusting relationship over the course of writing his second book "Leaders Eat Last." Through trial and error Sinek and his editor learn to collaborate more effectively. He is able to establish his need for help around organizing the intent of the content he is writing rather than the content itself. Simon Sinek teaches leaders and organizations how to inspire people. Sinek is the author of two books, "Leaders Eat Last: Why Some Teams Come Together and Others Don't" and "Start With Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action". He is a public speaker, an adjunct professor at Columbia University and a Brandeis University graduate.

Lauren Serota on How to Build Relationship Rapport and Trust

In Chapter 8 of 21 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, creative director and educator Lauren Serota answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" Serota shares how she has learned to build rapport, as trust is called in research terms, with others through being honest and inquisitive. She shares how defining what trust means depends on the context of a relationship. She uses trust-building examples from her fiancee personal relationship and ones from work.

Lauren Serota works as an associate creative director at frog design. She is also a teacher at the Austin Center for Design (AC4D). Serota earned a bachelor's degree in industrial design from the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD). 

Lauren Serota on Sharing Leadership Responsibility

In Chapter 10 of 21 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, creative director and educator Lauren Serota answers "What Skills Are You Working on Right Now to Become Better at Your Job?" As she grows as a creative leader, Serota finds herself in more complex team structures where leadership responsibility is shared. She works to improve how she collaborates with co-leaders on projects where she is not the sole leader or creative leader.

Lauren Serota works as an associate creative director at frog design. She is also a teacher at the Austin Center for Design (AC4D). Serota earned a bachelor's degree in industrial design from the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD). 

Lauren Serota on the Why Trust is the Key to Project Collaboration

In Chapter 13 of 21 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, creative director and educator Lauren Serota answers "What Have You Found to Be the Keys to Creating Successful Project Collaborations?" Serota finds building trust essential to creating successful creative team project collaborations in her work at frog design. She learns to both understand team expectations and communicate her own expectations to motivate her team and create an inclusive environment where each team member has a stake in the project.

Lauren Serota works as an associate creative director at frog design. She is also a teacher at the Austin Center for Design (AC4D). Serota earned a bachelor's degree in industrial design from the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD). 

Nina Godiwalla on a Natural Way to Build Trusting Relationships

In Chapter 10 of 18 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, author and entrepreneur Nina Godiwalla answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" With business and personal relationships, Godiwalla takes a natural path of simply trying to get to know a person through conversations and shared experiences. The personal connection builds a deeper relationship and allows you to naturally be more trusting in them. Nina Godiwalla is an expert on diversity, leadership and women in the business world. She is CEO of Mindworks, which provides leadership, stress management, and diversity training to companies all over the world. She is also a bestselling author and public speaker. Godiwalla earned an MBA from Wharton, a MA from Dartmouth and a BBA from the University of Texas.

Yoav Gonen on Gaining Job Responsibility in a Reporting Career

In Chapter 11 of 19 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, New York City reporter Yoav Gonen answers "How Are Your Responsibilities Changing As Your Career Evolves?" As he gains experience, Gonen shares how his bosses trust him more and give him more independence. The additional responsibility pushes Gonen to take more control of what and how beat reporting topics get covered and frees up his editors to focus on other pressing needs. Yoav Gonen is a reporter and City Hall Bureau Chief for the New York Post daily newspaper. Previously he spent nearly six years covering the education beat for the New York Post. Gonen earned a B.A. in English from the University of Michigan and a Masters in Journalism from New York University.

Yoav Gonen on How to Establish Trust When Building Relationships

In Chapter 12 of 19 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, New York City reporter Yoav Gonen answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" A key part of Gonen's newspaper reporting job is building trust working with sources. To earn trust, Gonen tells potential sources that he must be trusting to do his job well. Letting sources down and going back on his word would hurt his reputation for fair reporting and jeopardize his job security and career. Yoav Gonen is a reporter and City Hall Bureau Chief for the New York Post daily newspaper. Previously he spent nearly six years covering the education beat for the New York Post. Gonen earned a B.A. in English from the University of Michigan and a Masters in Journalism from New York University.

Tricia Regan on How to Establish Trust When Building Relationships

In Chapter 8 of 15 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, filmmaker Tricia Regan answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" Regan shares how she creates trustworthiness through her sincere desire to be a force of good in the world. She openly presents herself in this way so others can easily and readily understand her intentions. She notes what working in film has taught her about relationships where trust was both easy and difficult to establish. Tricia Regan is an Emmy Award-winning filmmaker known for writing, directing and producing documentary films, including the Emmy-winning "Autism: The Musical". She also has worked extensively in non-fiction television for A&E, ABC, FOX, Lifetime, MTV Networks and NBC. Regan earned a bachelors from Binghamton University and masters from New York University.

Doug Jaeger on How to Build Trust and Get Retainer Client Business

In Chapter 10 of 14 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, creative director and brand marketer Doug Jaeger answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" Jaeger shares how consistency and reliability translate into trust and commitment. Building trust working with clients teaches Jaeger the importance of giving away ideas for free and also when to ask to get paid for your work. He shares how giving away ideas in ideation and brainstorming sessions has helped him add structure in how his company works with clients on a retainer consulting basis. Doug Jaeger is co-founder and creative director at JaegerSloan Inc. where he focuses on brand and experimental marketing for clients such as Squarespace, Samsung and PwC. He is an adjunct professor at New York's School of Visual Arts (SVA) and co-curator of JnrlStr. He graduated from Syracuse University.

Clara Soh on What Rock Climbing Teaches About Relationship Trust

In Chapter 9 of 20 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, health economist Clara Soh answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" An avid rock climber, Soh shares the importance of finding a climbing partner you can trust and how she goes about building trusting climbing partner relationships. Clara Soh is a health economist and Senior Director of Policy and Research at a pharmaceutical trade organization in Washington, DC. Previously, Soh held senior roles at Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research (KPCHR) and Health Policy Research Northwest (HPRN). Soh earned her Masters of Public Administration (MPA) in Policy Analysis and Healthcare Public Finance from the NYU Wagner School and a BS in Molecular Biophysics and Biochemistry from Yale University.

Clara Soh on Cultivating a Rock Climbing Passion

In Chapter 10 of 20 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, health economist Clara Soh answers "What Steps Have You Taken to Cultivate Your Passion for Rock Climbing?" Soh shares how rock climbing has challenged her across physical fitness, emotional focus, relationship building and adventure traveling. She finds value exploring new locations and new routes, seeking out trusted climbing partners, and advancing her climbing skills through training and practice and learning from failure. Clara Soh is a health economist and Senior Director of Policy and Research at a pharmaceutical trade organization in Washington, DC. Previously, Soh held senior roles at Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research (KPCHR) and Health Policy Research Northwest (HPRN). Soh earned her Masters of Public Administration (MPA) in Policy Analysis and Healthcare Public Finance from the NYU Wagner School and a BS in Molecular Biophysics and Biochemistry from Yale University.

Leslie Kerner on How to Establish Trust When Building Relationships

In Chapter 10 of 21 in her 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, education software company executive Leslie Kerner answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" First and foremost, Kerner advises you do what you say you will do and make good on your promises or commitments. By being reliable, people will believe in your ability to deliver and trust you more.

Leslie Kerner is Senior Vice President and General Manager for the Professional Services group at Amplify, a software and services company innovating K-12 education. She is responsible for building and managing training, professional development and consulting services for schools. Previously, Kerner worked as a management consultant at Deloitte & Touche. Kerner earned an MBA from the Duke University and a BA from Northwestern University.

Jon Kolko on How to Improve Social Interactions at Work

In Chapter 13 of 16 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, educator and designer Jon Kolko answers "How Are You Learning to Work More Effectively With Different Personality Types?" Kolko shares how working effectively with others, no matter what differences exist, comes down to respect. Respecting a person's point of view creates a more accepting foundation to have a discussion and to communicate more effectively. Jon Kolko is VP of Design at MyEdu and the Founder and Director of Austin Center for Design (AC4D). He has authored three books on design and previously has worked in design roles at Austin, Texas venture accelerator Thinktiv and global innovation firm frog design. He was a professor of Interaction and Industrial Design at the Savannah College of Art and Design (SCAD) and earned his Masters in Human Computer Interaction (MHI) and BFA in Design from Carnegie Mellon University.

Matt Curtis on How to Build Trust by Being Forthright

In Chapter 8 of 18 in his 2013 Capture Your Flag interview, HomeAway government relations director Matt Curtis answers "How Do You Establish Trust When Building Relationships?" From the get-go or onset of a conversation, Curtis tries to be forthright and clear in his communication. He gets feedback that this straightforward and often blunt communication style is well-received for its sincerity. Matt Curtis is the director of government relations at HomeAway Inc. Previously he was communications director for Austin mayors Lee Leffingwell and Will Wynn. He earned his bachelor's degree in radio, television and film from the University of North Texas.